Men by nature and traditional societal norms are designed and taught to continually take on more pressure, stress, blame and everything else you can throw at him, if it means his family or loved ones will be spared that burden. You remember the film “The Titanic”? Men are just like that ship. The Titanic had 16 watertight compartments designed to keep the ship afloat if it were damaged. This lulled everyone into believing that the ship was “unsinkable”. This sounds eerily to that compartmentalization thing that men are expected to do. We take on these massive burdens a rely on our ability to compartmentalize each burden into watertight compartments to avoid our ship from sinking. The Titanic taught us a few things guys. 1. There are icebergs in life and not all of them are avoidable. If you hit a big enough iceberg it can rip open all of those watertight compartments that you’ve been storing the pressures of the world in. It took 3 years to build the Titanic and it sank in just an hour and a half. 2. “Happy Wife, Happy Life” philosophy left Jack dead. Once that ship started to sink, it was women and children first. Jack gets Rose onto a piece of debris, while he stays in the freezing cold waters of the North Atlantic Ocean trying to save Rose. Meanwhile Rose is humming a tune and looking at the stars and doesn’t even notice that Jack had frozen to death right next to her. But she did notice that boat that was coming to save her. Rose at no point offered to get in that water for a bit while Jack rested, she didn’t try to slide over a bit so Jack could get on too. At a certain point Rose wasn’t even checking on Jack anymore and Jack was doing the manly thing by not even complaining about getting closer to death. Maybe he survives or maybe nothing works and it’s either him or her; in that case I respect his decision to choose her (I would do the same for my wife). To not even have a 2nd option the requires some work on the part of Rose is just unacceptable to me, The case that I’m here to make is not that chivalry should remain dead. On the contrary, I’m all for chivalry and traditional relationship values. If need be, I would gladly pay my life down for that of my family. I am, however calling for two monumental societal shifts that could potentially save countless relationships. The immediate death of the philosophy of “happy wife, happy life” and for it to be replaced with “happy spouse, happy house”. The divorce rate in America is still up around 50% and that number gets higher as people enter each additional marriage. So either men can’t make women happy enough or men are trying so hard to make women happy that they have traded in their own self worth and desire for happiness; in other words, he has become a broken man. Sayings like “you gotta go along to get along” start to seem appealing to that man, as he forfeits more and more of himself. Love is supposed to be “UNCONDITIONAL”. Love is displayed in action; it’s something that you can choose to do, Unconditional love means that there are absolutely no conditions that need to be met in order for love to be displayed. “Happy Wife, Happy Life” sure does sound like one hell of a condition though. For one partner to say, “once you make me happy then I’ll make your life easier”, is to remove all emotional responsibility from that partner. The joy in the life of the other partner becomes just as unstable and shallow as the emotional maturity of their partner. They now have license to make their partner’s life a living hell anytime they are angry, frustrated or literally feeling any other emotion other than happiness. Once we make that shift to “Happy Spouse, Happy House”; now we’re talking synergy in a household! Imagine having a competition with your partner to see who can make who the happiest. That’s a competition that just about everyone would want to compete in until death do them part. That’s the type of competition that could have guys meeting with their boys to strategize and come up with ways to surprise and pamper their spouse. It’s tough not to engage in that. To really sit back and watch someone go all out to bring you joy and all you do is sit there and accept what they give you. Guilt and shame should overcome anyone who can accept that type of love and not reciprocate. That also creates such a healthy environment for raising children. Kids can grow up watching their parents just love on each other. Which will undoubtably set the stage for the future marriages of their kids. We’re talking about a generational curse that can be lifted off of so many families!! 2. Lets normalize men receiving therapy and counseling. Men traditionally have been primarily responsible for the the safety and financial stability of the family (amongst other things). These are two extremely heavy burdens for most men to carry. Men are supposed to be the foundational piece that the rest of the family builds itself on. But what happens when that foundation starts to erode? Men, especially men of color, are taught “chin up, chest out and handle yours”. I frequently find myself saying “I’ll deal with my emotions later”, because I need to handle this now. No time to be sad, scared, nervous or any other emotions that aren’t generally associated with masculinity. Some of us are actually taught that these emotions are weaknesses and we need to just be tough “be a man” for crying out loud. We tell our sons “big boys don’t cry”. Remember, I told you earlier; I’m a cop. Compartmentalization is what I do for a living. No emotions in policing. I can’t cry on a sad scene in front of a grieving family; it’s just unprofessional. I also can’t go home and trauma dump on my wife everyday. I am 1000% guilty of constantly compartmentalizing and never actually dealing with anything. This is a practice that needs to stop because if we keep living like this, eventually we will hit that iceberg and all of those emotions that we compartmentalized will come gushing out. The ship will start to sink and for many of us, our family is on that ship. If we can’t do it for ourselves then we need to do it for our families, but we need to get help. If you are feeling strong now, just remember, “you prepare for war in times of peace”. Lastly, this article is clearly written from the male prospective but the rationale is applicable both ways. Women also shouldn’t be trading away pieces of themselves to make a man happy. Women also take on an insanely heavy burden for the family and many are raising a family without a father. None of us should go through anything alone and we can all benefit from the help of a professional or at least someone who won’t judge you and put your business out in the streets.

Parenting in the Modern Age: Balancing Tradition and Progress Parenthood is the most terrifying experience I've ever had the pleasure of enjoying. The most magical moment in my life was the moment my son, Jace was born, Who would have ever thought that feelings of joy and inadequacy could occupy the same moment? Not me but there they were. My wife and I had been preparing for this moment for months just to find out that we were unprepared. In the hospital, the doctors told us when to feed him, we charted every time he soiled himself and for the moment parenting seemed easy. We got discharged and went home as happy as can be, but then I realized that I must have left something at the hospital. I couldn't find the manual of procedure, rules and regulations, Union Contract or Pay scale. for this parenting gig. We just signed up for a 24/7 job that we don't know how to do! Like the millennial that I am; I immediately ran to google to answer all of my questions. I found page after page of standard operating procedures. 1.) Don't sleep with the baby. -But this kid wakes up every time I put him in the bassinet and only wants to sleep with skin to skin contact 2.) Don't put Gerber rice in the baby's formula. -But this boy downs Enfamil like a frat boy on spring break and at $40 per can, I need to slow this down. And he keeps waking up because that Enfamil isn't filling him. On and on the list went, contradicting everything that my mom was telling me she did with me, both my sisters and several cousins. But I was a new parent so I'm going to believe in Google rather than the real life experience of my mom. Somehow that makes sense if you don't think about it. I mean not everything mom did was right but it wasn't all wrong either. Fast forward to now. My son is 3, my mother has passed away and my son's personality is in FULL EFFECT!! This boy thinks he Spider-man, he want's to officiate wrestling matches between our Husky and Chocolate Lab, He is highly opinionated especially about when its time to go to bed and he is not too interested in Ipads or any screens for that matter. He wants to be outside. Basically, he's your typical kid from the 90s and of course I love it. Problem is; its 2024 and society hates it. We had countless meetings with his pre-school about him not wanting to sit in circle time, running up and down the halls, refusing to take naps and not wanting to do some of the class work This was all before he was kicked out of pre-school for pushing. To make matters worse, the program director tells us "we hope he gets the help that he needs". Yes we are still talking about the same 3 years and 1 month old child! We were referred to the special education department for speech issues although they know he's half Dominican and learning Spanish along with English (proven to cause speech delays). Trust me this is the short list of issue this school had with my boy. This was a complete nightmare but it may have been a blessing in disguise. Jace has shown tremendous improvement in his social skills, recognition of his emotions and has actually opted to speak in Spanish more often of late. Here are some practical tips that we learned and used to turn this nightmare into a blessing: 1. Trust your instincts: Nobody knows what they're doing when it comes to parenting. We're all just trying our best and working on a trial and error basis. No two kids are the same even if they have the same parents so its impossible for some stranger to tell you everything you need to know about your kid. The truth is that YOU are the expert when it comes to your kid. Listen to wise advise but ultimately you have to decide what is best for your kid. 2. Educate yourself: Take the time to learn about different parenting philosophies and approaches. Read books, listen to podcasts, and engage in discussions with other parents. Gather as much information as you can but understand that your child and your entire parenting experience will be unique. Try different techniques but no single source will be able to tell you exactly what you child needs or how to give it to them. 3. Let your kid be a kid. Formal education is important at a certain age but these younger years are more about your child being a child. Let them explore how their body works. Let them run, jump, play, sing, laugh, fall, cry and anything else their instinct is telling them to do. Introduce them to some of the things that you didn't discover until later in life. Now is the time to begin teaching your value system, beliefs and cultural traditions. The quality of the childhood and the experiences that you give your child will help set the lens through which they will view life and eventually their own parenting experience. 4. Communicate with your partner: If you are still in a relationship with your partner or co-parenting, it is essential to have open and honest communication with your partner. Discuss your parenting goals, values, and expectations. Find common ground and work together to create a parenting approach that reflects both of your perspectives. 5. Embrace cultural diversity: Expose your children to different cultures through books, movies, music, and travel. Encourage them to learn about and appreciate the traditions and customs of others. It is also important to teach them about their own culture. At some point in time we all wonder "who am I and where did I come from?". Having that connection to a culture and a people can create a sense of pride and extended family. These approaches will help them develop a global mindset and a sense of cultural sensitivity. Parenting is a journey of self-discovery, growth, and adaptation. So in case nobody has told you: You're doing a great job and there wasn't a person created in all of history better suited to raise this child. Ignore all of the images of perfection and remember that you are EXACTLY the parent that your kid needs!