Parenting in the Modern Age: Balancing Tradition and Progress Parenthood is the most terrifying experience I've ever had the pleasure of enjoying. The most magical moment in my life was the moment my son, Jace was born, Who would have ever thought that feelings of joy and inadequacy could occupy the same moment? Not me but there they were.
My wife and I had been preparing for this moment for months just to find out that we were unprepared. In the hospital, the doctors told us when to feed him, we charted every time he soiled himself and for the moment parenting seemed easy. We got discharged and went home as happy as can be, but then I realized that I must have left something at the hospital. I couldn't find the manual of procedure, rules and regulations, Union Contract or Pay scale. for this parenting gig. We just signed up for a 24/7 job that we don't know how to do!
Like the millennial that I am; I immediately ran to google to answer all of my questions. I found page after page of standard operating procedures.
1.) Don't sleep with the baby.
-But this kid wakes up every time I put him in the bassinet and only wants to sleep with skin to skin contact
2.) Don't put Gerber rice in the baby's formula.
-But this boy downs Enfamil like a frat boy on spring break and at $40 per can,
I need to slow this down. And he keeps waking up because that Enfamil isn't filling him.
On and on the list went, contradicting everything that my mom was telling me she did with me, both my sisters and several cousins. But I was a new parent so I'm going to believe in Google rather than the real life experience of my mom. Somehow that makes sense if you don't think about it. I mean not everything mom did was right but it wasn't all wrong either.
Fast forward to now. My son is 3, my mother has passed away and my son's personality is in FULL EFFECT!! This boy thinks he Spider-man, he want's to officiate wrestling matches between our Husky and Chocolate Lab, He is highly opinionated especially about when its time to go to bed and he is not too interested in Ipads or any screens for that matter. He wants to be outside. Basically, he's your typical kid from the 90s and of course I love it. Problem is; its 2024 and society hates it.
We had countless meetings with his pre-school about him not wanting to sit in circle time, running up and down the halls, refusing to take naps and not wanting to do some of the class work This was all before he was kicked out of pre-school for pushing. To make matters worse, the program director tells us "we hope he gets the help that he needs". Yes we are still talking about the same 3 years and 1 month old child! We were referred to the special education department for speech issues although they know he's half Dominican and learning Spanish along with English (proven to cause speech delays). Trust me this is the short list of issue this school had with my boy. This was a complete nightmare but it may have been a blessing in disguise. Jace has shown tremendous improvement in his social skills, recognition of his emotions and has actually opted to speak in Spanish more often of late.
Here are some practical tips that we learned and used to turn this nightmare into a blessing: 1. Trust your instincts: Nobody knows what they're doing when it comes to parenting. We're all just trying our best and working on a trial and error basis. No two kids are the same even if they have the same parents so its impossible for some stranger to tell you everything you need to know about your kid. The truth is that YOU are the expert when it comes to your kid. Listen to wise advise but ultimately you have to decide what is best for your kid.
2. Educate yourself: Take the time to learn about different parenting philosophies and approaches. Read books, listen to podcasts, and engage in discussions with other parents. Gather as much information as you can but understand that your child and your entire parenting experience will be unique. Try different techniques but no single source will be able to tell you exactly what you child needs or how to give it to them.
3. Let your kid be a kid. Formal education is important at a certain age but these younger years are more about your child being a child. Let them explore how their body works. Let them run, jump, play, sing, laugh, fall, cry and anything else their instinct is telling them to do. Introduce them to some of the things that you didn't discover until later in life. Now is the time to begin teaching your value system, beliefs and cultural traditions. The quality of the childhood and the experiences that you give your child will help set the lens through which they will view life and eventually their own parenting experience. 4. Communicate with your partner: If you are still in a relationship with your partner or co-parenting, it is essential to have open and honest communication with your partner. Discuss your parenting goals, values, and expectations. Find common ground and work together to create a parenting approach that reflects both of your perspectives. 5. Embrace cultural diversity: Expose your children to different cultures through books, movies, music, and travel. Encourage them to learn about and appreciate the traditions and customs of others. It is also important to teach them about their own culture. At some point in time we all wonder "who am I and where did I come from?". Having that connection to a culture and a people can create a sense of pride and extended family. These approaches will help them develop a global mindset and a sense of cultural sensitivity. Parenting is a journey of self-discovery, growth, and adaptation. So in case nobody has told you: You're doing a great job and there wasn't a person created in all of history better suited to raise this child. Ignore all of the images of perfection and remember that you are EXACTLY the parent that your kid needs!
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